Friday, April 22, 2011

Huiyeong Kim, A five-paragraph cause and effect essay

201181021 Huiyeong Kim

Intermediate English Writing 1

Saturday, April 23, 2011

 

Hurrah for the Korea's Independence!

 

             On August 15, 1945, all the people cried "Hurrah" with the national flag, Taegeukgi, in their hands everywhere. After the Korean Empire collapsed in 1910, Korea was under Japanese rule from 1910 through 1945. Then Korea finally gained independence from the rule of Japanese Imperialism on this day, so there are several important effects on the Korea's Independence Day.

 

             First of all, Korea cleared away the remnants of Japanese colonialism because of this day. After the Japanese occupied Korea, the Koreans were forced to follow the Japanese rules. For example, the Japanese prohibited using Korean, and the Koreans had to study the Japanese educational contents. Also, they stopped publishing the journals written in Korean. However, people could regain freedom on August 15.

 

In addition, on the basis of the Korea's Independence Day, Korea became independent country. Korea is a country which has autonomy, but Korea was dominated by Japan for 35 years, so people could not advance views and decide something independently. However, dropping atom bombs on Japan brought the surrender of Japan and the end of World War II. Then Korea recovered the sovereignty of a nation.

 

Even though Korea regained independence, Korea also became a divided country based on the 38th parallel. Korea was liberated from Japanese colonial rule but was in state of disorder internally. For this reason, America and Russia decided to do trusteeship, and Korea has been the only divided country in the world so far.

 

In conclusion, Korea could be free from the Japan and attain independence as a country because of the Korea's Independence Day. However, it also resulted in the tragic division of the Korea peninsula, so it is really happy day, but it still remains the problem of the peaceful unification. This will be the 66th Korea's Independence Day. From now on, people should try to unify North and South Korea.

 

 

2 comments:

  1. 1. I think you kept the rule 'K.I.S.S' very well
    It's simple but it contains most of important information

    2. This essay is about the 'Korea Independent'

    3. I think conjunctions were written very well.
    They make your essay systemically

    4. I couldn't find any wrong sentences

    5. In the 3rd paragaph, last 2 sentences seems like in wrong position. I think those paragraphs have to move to 2nd paragraph or first part of 3rd paragraph

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  2. Hwang Yoo Jung 200904349

    1.I like introduction in which sentences are naturally connected to the topic sentence.

    2.The main point seems to describe some important effects on the Korea’s Independence Day.

    3. On the whole, this essay gives historical background information using easy expressions. This makes me easier to understand.

    4. “First of all, Korea cleared away the remnants of Japanese colonialism because of this day.”
    -->I think this sentence is a little awkward logically. How is it possible that “Korea’s Independence Day” causes Korea to clear away the remnants of Japanese colonialism”?

    “In addition, on the basis of the Korea's Independence Day, Korea became independent country”
    --> I think this sentence is a little awkward logically.

    “Korea is a country which has autonomy, but Korea was dominated by Japan for 35 years, so people could not advance views and decide something independently. However, dropping atom bombs on Japan brought the surrender of Japan and the end of World War II. Then Korea recovered the sovereignty of a nation.”
    -->I can’t understand what ”Korea is a country which has autonomy,” means in the context of the above sentences. I think Korea did not have autonomy under Japanese colonial rule. Besides, the following two sentences seem to controdict each other: ”Korea is a country which has autonomy" "Then Korea recovered the sovereignty of a nation”

    “In conclusion, Korea could be free from the Japan and attain independence as a country because of the Korea's Independence Day. However, it also resulted in the tragic division of the Korea peninsula,”
    --> I can’t understand how can “Korea's Independence Day” cause Korea to be divided.

    "~ but it still remains the problem of the peaceful unification." 
    -->I think ”it” or “remains” need to be corrected.

    ReplyDelete