Thursday, April 28, 2011

Yoon Jin-Soo ,cause and effect essay, p107

Buy a great future of Korea music

 

 

'Beatles' 350,000,000. 'Michael Jackson' 205,500,000. 'Madonna' 190,000,000. What are these numbers? These are records of album sales in Guinness book. In Beatles' case, the numbers mean 1/20 of world population bought their album. Great musicians and singers earned a lot of money by album sales and they invest money in their music again. But it became different. Since 'MP3 Players' are invented, Korea music industry changed like variety show.

 

If you search the Korea music charts, you can find that over the 70% of charts are seized by idol group singers. They more focus on their shapes, dance and provocative dresses than their sings. So they are absorbed in appearing TV shows, making fun on online for raising their popularity. As a result, they neglected their music and sings, level of Korea music industry decreased. Why these thing happened?

 

Since mp3 players were commercialized, most of people downloaded free music files instead of buying albums. Decreasing of album sales made singers poor so singers chose the different way to earn money for living. Nowadays, free music files are disappeared and singers' incomes became better. But many great singers retired or stopped singing already and it makes music fans unsatisfied.

 

Music fans blame Korea music industry. However they have to think about causes of this changing. They were causes of singers' retiring. They were looking for free music files disregarding there albums. These problems are not about copyright law. These are about future of Korea music industry.

 

But we can fix it. Fortunately, free music files are disappeared and there are few great singers who didn't retire yet. If you love the music, sometimes play your albums in home enjoying relaxing. Also you can help for Korea music industry's development.

3 comments:

  1. 200904082 Park Jin-Kyung

    1. The introduction is very strong with huge numers and famous singers like Michaeal Jackson and Madonna ss it attracts my eyes.

    2. Your main point seems that downloading free mp3 files makes the music low in quality and lack of diversity.

    3. It looks like you have two introduction paragraphs, I mean, they look so connected.

    4. I like you writing overall, but the last part sounds a little awkward to me. It says
    " If you love the music, sometimes play your albums in home enjoying relaxing. Also you can help for Korea music industry's development."
    but, I think they are not related each other.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Second draft


    'Beatles' 350,000,000. 'Michael Jackson' 205,500,000. 'Madonna' 190,000,000. These are amount of album sales that recorded in Guinness book. In Beatles' case, the numbers mean 1/20 of world population bought their album. Great musicians and singers earned a lot of money by album sales and they invest that money for their music again. But it became different. Since 'MP3 Players' are invented, Korea music industry changed like variety show.



    If you search the Korea music charts, you can find that over the 70% of charts are seized by idol group singers. They more focus on their shapes, dance and provocative dresses than their sings. So they are absorbed in appearing TV shows, making fun on online for raising their popularity. As a result, they neglected their music and sings, level of Korea music industry decreased. Why these things happened?



    Since mp3 players were commercialized, most of people downloaded free music files instead of buying albums. Decreasing of album sales made singers poor so singers chose the different way to earn money for living. Nowadays, free music files are disappeared and singers' incomes became better. But many great singers retired or stopped singing already and it makes music fans unsatisfied.



    Music fans blame Korea music industry. However they have to think about causes of this changing. They were causes of singers' retiring. They were looking for free music files disregarding there albums. These problems are not about copyright law. These are about future of Korea music industry.



    But we can fix it. Fortunately, free music files are disappeared and there are few great singers who didn't retire yet. If you love the music, sometimes play your albums in home enjoying relaxing. IF people start to buy albums, it can help for Korea music industry's development.

    ReplyDelete
  3. 201181021 Huiyeong Kim

    1. What I like about this piece of writing is the introduction. It begins with the numburs, and those numbers make me curious about your essay.

    2. The main point seems that Korean music industry has changed like a variety show after MP3 player was invented.

    3. The title is quite powerful to me. It is a
    good expression, "Buy a great future".

    4.
    "'Beatles' 350,000,000. 'Michael Jackson' 205,500,000. 'Madonna' 190,000,000. What are these numbers?"
    I think this sentence should be changed because it is not a sentence.

    "Since 'MP3 Players' are invented, Korea music industry changed like variety show."
    If you use "SINCE", you should chage the verb in the main clause.

    5. I think this essay doesn't have one introduction, three body paragraphs, and one conclusion.

    ReplyDelete