Saturday, April 2, 2011

Huiyeong Kim - A five paragraph process analysis essay

 

201181021 Huiyeong Kim

Intermediate English Writing 1 (Tue 78)

Saturday, April 2, 2011

 

The Power of Nature, Volcano

 

"The Republic of Iceland, Indonesia, and Japan"

What comes to mind when you think of these countries? Nowadays, this has been one of the very serious issues in the world. This caused the crisis on flight all over the world, killed a number of people, and made people lose their homes. These are the nations which suffered from the eruption of a volcano, and Korea where it also has the volcanoes, including Mountain Baekdu, is not a safe zone anymore. Then what are the reasons that a volcano erupts?

 

             First of all, it erupts because of the movements of the earth's surface. The Earth is composed of the lithosphere, mantle, and crust. The lithosphere has the several plates like a puzzle, and they move little by little. By moving, they bring about the mantle convection. For this reason, an oceanic ridge and trench that are created.

 

After this, magma is created by the frictional heat which is caused when the crust collides. It is a viscous liquid, like a jelly, which mixes the molten rock, gas, and other. When it is created, it gradually rises having the low density compared with other rock which has the high density within the mantle. By rising, it has lower pressure, and the amount of gas which is melted in the magma increases.

 

Finally, magma erupts. The gas makes bubbles like carbon dioxide gas, and the bubbles put pressure on the surface of the earth which covers magma. If there is a weak section, and the surface does not stand the pressure, magma spews from there.

 

In conclusion, a volcano erupts according to the interaction of the crust, magma, pressure, and the bubbles. Therefore, people cannot just help submitting to the power of nature. However, they should be able to anticipate observing the volcano closely in order to prevent the terrible disaster because it does not occur anymore.

3 comments:

  1. 1. This essay explains well about process of volcano eruption. All causes and effects are expressed precisely.

    2.The main point of this essay is what makes volcano erupts

    3.Frist sentences of all paragraphs make all paragraphs strong. They explain main point of each paragraph very well.


    4."It is a viscous liquid, like a jelly, which mixes the molten rock, gas, and other."
    In this sentence, It seems like that Viscous liquid mixes the molten rock, gas and other. I think it is incorrect. The word 'Mixes' has to change. 'Mixed' would be better


    5.
    I think all process expression and structure of essay is good enogh

    ReplyDelete
  2. Park Jin-kyung
    1. This essay is very clear and well written as it says every detail about the steps of the eruption.

    2. The main point seems to be the process of the volcanic eruption.

    3. I like the very first part of your essay as well as the title because it really hooks my interest.

    4. In the last sentence "to prevent the terrible disaster because it does not occur anymore" it sounds a little strange and unclear to me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. 201181021 Huiyeong Kim
    Second draft

    The Power of Nature, Volcano

    “The Republic of Iceland, Indonesia, and Japan”
    What comes to mind when you think of these countries? Nowadays, this has been one of the very serious issues in the world. This caused the crisis on flight all over the world, killed a number of people, and made people lose their homes. These are the nations which suffered from the eruption of a volcano, and Korea where it also has the volcanoes, including Mountain Baekdu, is not a safe zone anymore. Then what are the reasons that a volcano erupts?

    First of all, it erupts because of the movements of the earth’s surface. The Earth is composed of the lithosphere, mantle, and crust. The lithosphere has the several plates like a puzzle, and they move little by little. By moving, they bring about the mantle convection. For this reason, an oceanic ridge and trench that are created.

    After this, magma is created by the frictional heat which is caused when the crust collides. It is a viscous liquid, like a jelly, which is mixed the molten rock, gas, and other. When it is created, it gradually rises having the low density compared with other rock which has the high density within the mantle. By rising, it has lower pressure, and the amount of gas which is melted in the magma increases.

    Finally, magma erupts. The gas makes bubbles like carbon dioxide gas, and the bubbles put pressure on the surface of the earth which covers magma. If there is a weak section, and the surface does not stand the pressure, magma spews from there.

    In conclusion, a volcano erupts according to the interaction of the crust, magma, pressure, and the bubbles. Therefore, people cannot just help submitting to the power of nature. However, they should be able to anticipate the eruption of a volcano observing it closely in order to prevent the terrible disaster.

    ReplyDelete