Thursday, April 7, 2011

Yoon jin soo, p75 five-paragraphs essay

 

Smile for happiness

 

  "You don't smile because of happiness, Smile to become happy."

  The famous comedian, No hong cheul, always says this word.

He is Dr.No who propagates happiness in TV programs.

Maybe the word that he says is just for his concept, but it is true.

It suggests many things about happiness. Some efforts to be

happy can make people happy enough.

 

   First thing is awareness. If people try to aware happiness,

they can realize that they are happy enough. They can see, hear,

eat and laugh when they want. There are so many people who

can't do that. If people think about suffering people, they can

find that they are blessed.

 

   Next thing is standard of happiness. Human is always trying

to achieve something and feels pain because of their efforts.

Because most of people have so high goals. For example,

someone always tries to earn lot of money even if he has

100million dollars but someone thinks he is happy though he

is just poor farmer. Like this, If people think in a leisurely way,

they will be happy.

 

   Last thing is smile. People who always smile are not only

make others happy but also make endorphin in their body.

Endorphin makes human happy, relieves pain and causes another

laugh. The smile which is results of happiness can be cause of

happiness.

 

  Happiness is based on satisfaction. People feel happy when

they achieve their goals. But people's desires are limitless. It means,

people will never satisfy forever. As a result, people always try to

achieve something and feel pains. But they want to be happy right

now. It's ridiculous. If they want happiness in their life, they have to

control their mind first. Because happiness is up to their mind.

 

4 comments:

  1. 200503311 Chang-Min Ji said....

    1. I like the short essay. It is short but includes all meanings.
    2. Main idea is that happiness is up to our mind.
    3. I like the sentences ; If they want happiness in their life, they have to control their mind first. Because happiness is up to their mind. Its meaning has been always in my mind.
    4. In 4 paragraph, 'Because most of people' should be corrected to 'Because most of the people'.
    I'm not sure but think that the phrase 'make endorphin' is Korean English, isn't it? In my opinion, 'secret endorphin' is right.
    5. Nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Park, JinKyung 200904082

    1. I like the way you start introduction by using quotation as it is interesting, it is good start.
    2. Your point seems 3 main points to be happy.
    3. I think your each supporting sentences are very strong because they are simplified and al so clear.
    4. The only drawback, I think, is that your frist sentences for each paragraph are not really clear enough I mean they are a little vague. You said "Some efforts to be happy can make people happy enough. First thing is awareness." this sentence should be like "firstly, you have to be aware of the happiness" as you mentioned effort. And also, "Next thing is standard of happiness." should be " Next thing is lowering the standard of happiness."
    5.I think this writing has good content and well-organized overall. This is well written essay.

    ReplyDelete
  3. 201181021 Huiyeong Kim

    1. I like this essay because every paragrph is precise.

    2. The main point seems some efforts can make people happy.

    3. The first paragraph is especially powerful to me because you give a quatation of a famous person. It makes me interested in your essay.

    4. I couldn't find any unclear thing.

    5. If you correct sentence fragments, your essay would be better.
    "Because most of people have so high goals."
    "Because happiness is up to their mind."

    ReplyDelete
  4. Second draft



    "You don't smile because of happiness, Smile to become happy." The famous comedian, No hong cheul, always says this word. He is Dr.No who propagates happiness in TV programs.Maybe the word that he says is just for his concept, but it is true.It suggests many things about happiness. Some efforts to be happy can make people happy enough.

    First, you have to be aware of the happiness. If people try to aware happiness,they can realize that they are happy enough. They can see, hear,eat and laugh when they want. There are so many people who
    can't do that. If people think about suffering people, they can find that they are blessed.

    Next thing is lowering standard of happiness. Human is always trying to achieve something and feels pain because of their efforts.Because most of the people have so high goals. For example, someone always tries to earn lot of money even if he has
    100million dollars but someone thinks he is happy though he is just poor farmer. Like this, If people think in a leisurely way, they will be happy.

    Last thing is trying to smile. People who always smile are not only make others happy but also make endorphin in their body. Endorphin makes human happy, relieves pain and causes another laugh. The smile which is results of happiness can be cause of happiness.

    Happiness is based on satisfaction. People feel happy when they achieve their goals. But people's desires are limitless. It means,
    people will never satisfy forever. As a result, people always try to achieve something and feel pains. But they want to be happy right now. It's ridiculous. If they want happiness in their life, they have to control their mind first.

    ReplyDelete