Jang Jun Hwa
200802967
Intermediate English Writing (1)
Tuesday 7-8 period
a five-paragraph essay about the causes of happiness (first draft)
More than Fame and Fortune
"We are not happy"
This is one of lines from a hand-written poster made by one student in Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology (KAIST). Four students at KAIST, one of the most prestigious universities in Korea, committed suicide so far this year. Although all people admire them for their educational background, why did these young and intelligent students decide to kill themselves? For university students in their 20s, like us, there must be other causes of happiness rather than fame or fortune.
The first reason of happiness is youth and health. Some people say, "You can chew a stone when you are in your 20s." It means that no matter what young people want to do, they can do it because at least they are healthy enough to give it a try. Also, Okuda Hideo, a famous Japanese novelist, wrote in his book, <Twenty, Tokyo>, "The youth is a privilege. You have a privilege to be ok to fail."(pg.137) Most young people are not afraid of their failures, because they can get another chance, if they try. Youth and health are important factors to be reckoned with.
In addition, it can make university students happy that they are able to receive education. It does not matter what school they study at. The fact itself that they are in an environment to study. That is important. According to Donella Medows, an American environmental scientist, in her column, <Global Village>, only 1% of the world's population gets a college education. University students, that is to say, we are in the privileged classes. We have to remembered how blessed we are.
Finally, dreams which young people have lead to happiness. They usually have big dreams and, to make their dream come true, do their best such as having part-time jobs, saving money or applying for an internship. Dreams and aims can motivate young people to live fully. In other words, they only focus on what they want, so they are able to forget challenging problems.
For people who are college students, happiness depends on youth, health, education and dreams, rather than power or money. I am not trying to say that power and money is totally nothing. It can not be denied that those are important reasons of happiness. However, keep in mind that you already have many factors enough to be satisfied and happy.
Hwang Yoo Jung 200904349
ReplyDelete1.Your introduction is great. The current issues addressed as hook seem to be very appropriate and meaningful.
2.Your main point seems to say causes of happiness for college students.
3.I can hardly find mistakes, but the following must be a typo error though.
"We have to remembered how blessed we are."
4.This is a well-organized essay and I can't find particular problems.
More than Reputations
ReplyDelete“We are not happy.”
This is one of the lines from a hand-written poster made by a student from Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology (KAIST). Four students at KAIST, one of the most prestigious universities in Korea, committed suicide so far this year. Although everyone admires them for their educational background, why did these young and intelligent students decide to kill themselves? From this incident, we realize that there are some other factors besides reputations for being the smartest students, which make students in their 20s like us feel happiness.
The first reason to be happy is youth and health. According to a Korean proverb, “You can chew a stone when you are in your 20s.” This means that people can do everything they want to do, because they are healthy enough to give it a try. Also, Okuda Hideo, a famous Japanese novelist, wrote in his book, “Twenty, Tokyo”, “The youth is a privilege. You have a privilege to be OK to fail.”(pg.137) Even though we fail in what we did, we can get another chance and do it again, because we have enough time.
In addition, we are able to receive education and it can make us happy. The fact itself that we afford the time and the money to study. That is important. According to Donella Medows, an American environmental scientist, in her column, , only 1% of the world’s population gets a college education. University students like us are in the top 1%. That is to say, we are in the privileged classes. Therefore, we have to remember how blessed we are.
Finally, dreams we have can make us happy. In order to make our dreams come true,
we can do everything such as having part-time jobs, saving money or applying for an internship. Dreams and aims can motivate young people to live fully. In other words, while we are doing our best to succeed, we do not waste our time and forget challenging problems in our lives.
Youth, health, education and dreams bring greater happiness to college students than reputations or educational success. I am not trying to say that studying in prestigious schools or getting high grades are totally nothing. For someone, those kinds of factors can be also important reasons to be happy. However, do not be disappointed even though your school is not one of the best universities. Instead, keep in mind that you already have many other factors enough to be satisfied with your lives.