Chang-min Ji 200503311
Jon H. Bahk-Halberg
Intermediate English Writing(1)
May 15th.
I have three strengths for my future career
Everyone dreams of the day when our dreams come true. For the day, we have to improve our ability and have done so. I often estimate myself to become a more talented person. To improve myself, it's important to know what my strengths and weaknesses are. I also have three strong points; diligence, punctuality, patience.
My first ability for my career is diligence. Diligence means steady, earnest, energetic application and effort. It is said that a diligent person must make it, no matter what the situation is, how much older he get, how excellent grade in his school year. I, who am diligent, will bring success in my career and wealth to myself.
My second ability is punctuality. Dan Kennedy said that punctuality is the number one most powerful personal discipline in all the world. It was because he knew to keep appointments in time meant one's success, integrity and others' trust. Punctuality has been crucial to myself for my life. Being punctual made me respect myself, manage my time, improve my work, and have a high self-esteem.
My third ability for my future career is patience. For my dream's coming true, I have to learn many things and improve myself. Whenever we attempt to learn something new, we have to give ourselves time which is whether long or short one. It is said that the most great acquisition needs the longest time. I have a lot of perseverance, so I believe I can acquire whatever I want to learn.
Until now, I have introduced three abilities I possess for my future career. I am diligent. I keep my appointment in time. I have a lot of patience. Those abilities as well as others will make my dreams come true.
200904082 Park, Jin-Kyung
ReplyDelete1. You wrote about your inner abilities for your future career and it's very impressive.
2. You quote what others said and I think these quotations make your writing look strong and support what you want to say.
3. "Whenever we attempt to learn something new, we have to give ourselves time which is whether long or short one." in this sentence you should leave out "which is"
4. I got a little confused when I read the sentence in the second paragraph, " Diligence means steady, earnest, energetic application and effort." I don't understand this...Maybe you used inappropriate words here.
201181021 Huiyeong Kim
ReplyDelete1. I like this essay because it is vert clear every paragraph.
2. Your main seems that the abilities you have for your potential career.
3. "Dan Kennedy said that punctuality is the number one most powerful personal discipline in all the world." I like this quotation you use because it makes your essay powerful and impressive.
4. "Diligence means steady, earnest, energetic application and effort."
This sentence is a little awkward to me.
5. I think your thesis statement is too direct, so if you change it your essay would be better.